I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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