Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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