Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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