He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
