you would pick up someone in the library
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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