Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
