haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
