I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
