im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize