She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
