So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
