Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
