No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize