I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
