Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
