My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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