Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
