a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
