Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
