New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
