I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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