my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
