Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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