He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
