So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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