I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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