We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
