I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
