I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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