if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize