y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
