Kiss
Puke
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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