My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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