Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
