Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
