I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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