At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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