somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
