even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
