a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
