I didn't shave. On purpose
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
