is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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