There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This house was built for laser tag.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
