Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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