3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
