I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
