The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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