In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
