girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
