I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
