loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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