Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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