New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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