I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
