Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
