apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize