I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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