Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
