I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
