Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
