so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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