Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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