i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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