a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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