3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
