I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
