She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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