first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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