I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have fence marks all over my body
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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