you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
