You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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