Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
