I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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