i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
