I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
