I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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