I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
