We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
