So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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