I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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