did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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