I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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